Anxiety is normal, and you can fight back
Many people think we just have to live with a lot of anxiety, that it’s a normal part of life and there’s nothing you can do about it. That’s partly true. Anxiety is normal: we all feel anxious, nervous, or scared sometimes, and it can even help. It makes us react when we’re in danger, and sometimes it pushes us to work harder.
But when anxiety gets too strong, it can stop us from doing the things we want. It doesn’t protect us; it can actually make things worse. To fight back, we strengthen our Mind, Body, and Spirit. In cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), we learn that anxiety involves three things: your thoughts, your body, and your actions.
Mind: challenge anxious thoughts
Ever notice that how you think about things has a lot to do with how you feel? If you think “I’m going to fail my math test,” how would you feel? Now look at all the other things that are also true:
Anxiety says
I’m going to fail my math test.
The facts say
This test will be hard because I’m learning something new, but it gets easier the more I practice.
Mistakes are OK. Everyone makes them; it’s how we learn.
I’m not going to fail. If I don’t do as well as I’d like, I’ll feel bad for a few minutes, then figure out what I missed so I’m ready next time.
Anxiety makes us think something bad is about to happen, and then makes us believe we can’t handle it if it does. It’s like a bully, always threatening. But what really happens? Usually the thing we worried about doesn’t happen, and even when things don’t go perfectly, you handle it and move on.
Try it: next time anxiety tells you something bad is about to happen (you might fail, say something embarrassing, or not be able to handle being away from your mom or dad), challenge it. Think about all the facts, not just the worst possible outcome. Remember, you’ve been in situations like this before, and you handled it.
Body: calm the alarm
We know you’ve heard this before, but it really works. When you feel anxious, your whole body gets tense and tight. Your body thinks there’s danger, so all its systems get ready to run. A few slow, deep breaths tell your body there’s no danger. Then you can go ahead and do what you were about to do.
Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 counts, hold for a moment, then breathe out through your mouth for 6 counts. Follow the circle for a few rounds.
Listening to a relaxing song, or any music that helps you slow your breathing, can help too. So can noticing each muscle, from your shoulders to your hands to your feet, and letting it go loose.
Spirit: Challenging anxiety one step at a time
The real trick is to do things that are a little scary over and over again, first in easy ways and then in harder ways. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
Think about the first time you tried a roller coaster. Your body told you it was dangerous and you felt nervous. Then you tried an easy one, and it was actually kind of fun, and your body learned it wasn’t dangerous. The next one was even more fun. Then you were ready for the big one, and couldn’t wait to go again!
- Step 1: the kiddie coasterA little nervous, then it’s kind of fun.
- Step 2: a medium coasterLess scary than you expected.
- Step 3: the big oneYou can’t wait to ride again.
Your mind and body learn through your actions that things aren’t as dangerous as you thought, and that you can handle what comes your way. Remember, anxiety is a bully, and it lies. When you don’t believe it and do the thing you were worried about, you usually find it wasn’t so bad, and you feel proud you did something tough. Start with small, easier goals and work up to harder ones. You’ll get there.
Need more help?
Want to think or talk more about this? That’s a great idea. A little practice and help can make things a lot easier for a long time. Talk with a parent or a trusted adult about the worries or fears you’ve been having, and ask if they can help you find a therapist or doctor nearby to decide if treatment could help.